Because Stuff Happens...

Motivation

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 23:57:41 GMT

It never occurred to me to ask why I want to be happy. It seemed rather obvious, until I really sat down to think about it. The reason the question came to my mind was that I was pondering on the importance… and power, of motivations. It appears we do everything by motivation. One thing that it appears I am motivated to do is to be happy. But why? Why am I motivated to be happy at all?… More...

The 23rd Psalm

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Sat, 21 May 2011 01:41:15 GMT

It is well known that Faith is the opposite of fear, the 23^rd Psalm is often quoted, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me”...

More...

The Solution To Freedom From Fear

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 13:13:23 GMT

Chapter Five, in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, talks of our fear. it controls our lives. It is the motivation for practically everything we do. We become angry when we feel threatened. Our fear is always that we will lose something. A possession, a status, an affection, security. Resentments are nothing more than continued anger at someone who we fear will take one of these things from us. At the core of this is self-centeredness. Basically, we are concerned with satisfying our own needs and wants. This wouldn’t be so bad if we could actually satisfy ourselves. But, in truth, as soon as we satisfy one ‘want’ or ‘need’, it is quickly replaced with another.

The solution is to not be self-centered. To instead, be motivated by helping others. It doesn’t matter who, just anyone but ourselves. This removes the fear of any “loss”, and since “loss of something” is the only thing we ever fear, it removes all fear.

It is our motivations that we need change. If we help the needy because we want to raise our status with the local charity organization, we can become angry if the needy people do not improve to our expectations. If instead we are motivated by simply helping others, we can see, and appreciate, any positive impact in their lives. We can also see when we cause harm and pull away if needed.

We are able to avoid a ‘feeling of loss’, if we never drive a ‘stake in the ground of expectation’. Self-centered-ness plants emotional demands and expectation on every situation. Motivation in only helping others, does not allow us to do that.

The Needless Situations We Create For Ourselves

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 03:57:00 GMT

We frequently find ourselves in stressful situations that we feel powerless to control. However, the majority of the time we can control not only the cause of the situation, but also the method to eliminate the situation once we have found ourselves in it...

More...

The Pain From A Promise

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 13:19:42 GMT

Anytime “things don’t go the way we want them to” we get angry. Not knowing “how things will turn out” is the core of our fear. Acceptance for how things are now and acceptance for how things will be is required for peace of mind. With that said, there are things we can actively do to minimize anger and worry. We can be very careful with our promises.

Frequently, when something is “not going the way we want it to”, it is because we have promised someone that “we can make this thing happen”. When we are unable to do this, for example we promised someone that we would meet them at 3:00pm today, yet we find ourselves stuck in traffic, this leads to anger, “the traffic right now is not what I want it to be”. As we race to keep the appointment we worry “the traffic will get congested and slow me down”. If we did not make this promise, we could just turn on the radio and not worry at all, we get there when we get there.

It is the promise that creates the stressful situation.

Being careful with our promises

Things we can do:

Make promises after we have thought things through. Do we know for sure the appointment we have before the next one will end on time? Will traffic be unpredictable that late in the day? Is this promise based on other people that we know from experience are unpredictable?
Most promises we don’t have to make. In most cases we can say we will simply try to meet a person at 3:00pm, but we will call if we cannot make it (only make the promise to call if we know we have a reliable phone).
The majority of promises we make we simply do not have to make.

Stopping the pain

The only way to stop the pain is to break the promise. This can be painful, but as soon as you call the person and break the promise, the mental pain of trying to keep that promise will end.

The Practicality of the Saint Francis Prayer

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 03:00:59 GMT

While the Serenity Prayer is a good way to start your day, because the prayer is about acceptance, and the lack of it is the root of all anger, worry, and depression. The Saint Francis Prayer has a very practical aspect. The source of “things that bother us”, are usually other beings. The Saint Francis Prayer is about being loving and open to all beings. This openness is a proactive thing. Proactive means, that this is something that we ‘do’, not just something that we simply tolerate, and put up with.

It is easier to be proactive about something. You can do this even when you are distracted with other things (such as your own wants and desires).

For example, most mornings, the security guard at the door of your work likes to pull you into a conversation. You dread this, and thinking about this unwelcome delay ,upsets your peace of mind as you drive into work. It is irritating to have that same boring conversation with the security guard in the morning (“don’t you realize that you are delaying me in getting to my office!”), unless you take the perspective that this is a human being who you can provide loving human attention to.

Now you don’t need to tolerate this person, you proactively and lovingly interact with the world.

On Dealing With Tragedy

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:16:20 GMT

According to dictionary.reference.com : Tragedy - a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster: the tragedy of war.

I had a recent situation with this web server. The database server was locked up and refusing any connections. I do not know why this was happening and the reason it rose to the level of Tragic, is that I planned to launch a commercial venture on the server and having it lock up for unknown reason dashed this dream. The loss of a valued dream is very tragic if the dream is your own.

I had to stop at the time and think “This will one day pass. In the future you will be happy again”. At the time this is a thought that is hard to believe. I could only know this truth intellectually. If my dream is truly gone. If I am never able to figure out why the server keeps crashing (I can’t launch the commercial venture if I don’t know what is wrong with the server. Paying customers would be very angry if the server keeps going down).

“This is so unfair, why is this happening to me?”. I will never get over this unfair situation. My dreams of financial success ruined by a stupid temperamental server.

Now in this case, when I rebooted the server I saw that the virus scanning program had several locked running instances. This was most likely the cause. However, for that brief period I felt I was able to understand HOW a person can get caught up and find themselves unable to move past a tragedy.

For example, having a child die has to be in the top “Tragedies you can never get over”. However, people who have a child die do laugh again. Life does go on. You actually have to “re-feel” the hurt to bring it back. Why would a person do this? Perhaps it is that we feel we were wronged. Until this is made right we will hold on to it. My child should have never been taken from me. However, my child can never come back so this right will never be wronged.

The only way to move forward is forgiveness. We can forgive anyone for anything. It IS in our power. If we are in enough pain we will be motivated to forgive. Perhaps this is what happens when we let time pass. Either we forget the pain and get tired of re-feeling it”. Or we eventually forgive.

Embrace the Chaos

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 13:55:06 GMT

Is it possible to seek out Chaos to avoid worry?

Could every encounter with, uncertainty and chaos, enrich us and provide evidence that we are able to survive it?

Our anger is always because we do not like a situation the way it is. When we don’t know how something is going to be (actually we never really know how something will be), we anticipate the situation being ‘something that will not want’, and we fear this possible future event. Basically, we fear the unknown, and the future is always unknown.

Ignorance is Bliss

Perhaps a happy person, is a person who thinks, temporarily at least, that they CAN see the future and that future holds good things for them.

For example, lets say I have just found out I have won a large amount of money. This feeling is so overwhelming that my anticipation of all future events is seen through a reality that consists mostly of this powerful amount of money. I anticipate problems that will easily be solved by simply spending the money.

I then think of the problems that will not be solved by money. People that I don’t want to give money to, will want my money, and I will need to keep them away. This is a problem that will not be solved by money. The anticipation of this situation makes me fear it. My desire for the money, and the happiness I think it will bring, makes me fear the loss of it greatly.

Perhaps, I can anticipate this possible future conflict for my money. Perhaps I will welcome the challenge because the one thing that I can be sure of, and therefore need not fear, is that “more money more problems”. I will have problems because of this money. Let me look forward to them, because each challenge that I get past I will have more evidence that I can survive any challenge.

Even if I lost the money I will have survived the challenge. Yes I will be angry, but that anger will pass. Everything passes. Everything is impermanent.

And here is the ‘kicker’, in the ‘future’ I will be happy… why not?

The Worry And The Fear You Are Feeling now…

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 03:24:18 GMT

The worry and the fear that you feel right now is in the future. There is nothing to fear right now, if there were, you would not have time to feel “worry”. To worry takes time.

Ultimately, the answer is to accept the feelings you feel, because it is the “resistance” of them that is causing the mental ,and sometimes physical pain, that you are feeling. The thing that you are resisting, is the reality of the way things are right now.

But, we want this “pain of worry” to go away. However, first, for a moment, accept the worry, accept the pain. This is what you are feeling right now, this is reality, recognize it, and accept that it is happening right now.

Now it is less, the thought are still there, how do we prevent the thoughts from turning into full blown worry again? It is impossible to stop thinking. The human mind cannot be turned off.

The “worry” is in the future. We are not God, so we do not absolutely know what will happen in the future or how we feel when the future arrives. Can we accept that?

What else are we “resisting” - that we can stop resisting?

This fact may help, “This will pass”. Nothing lasts, everything is “impermanent”.

You will laugh and be happy in a future date.

And yes, one day you will worry again.

(With thanks to Buddhism for Beginners)

Believing in a Lesser God

Webmaster@ADefwebserver.com — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:54:44 GMT

I really like the Prayer of Saint Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is doubt, faith ;

where there is despair, hope

where there is darkness, light

where there is sadness, joy

O divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

This prayer make no expectations of God...

More...